


the sun, moon and the stars

by cholerica



Category: No Fandom
Genre: Meltdown, kind of a panic attack but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 10:27:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28936998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cholerica/pseuds/cholerica
Summary: He wanted to stop crying, for once in his life, he wanted to not cry and stand up, and face the problem properly. For once in his life, he wanted the tears to stop falling. He wanted to be tough. He wanted to grow up, stop being so weak and get over it.He wanted to never feel anything ever again.Because that was his weakness, wasn't it? To feel everything a little too much, a little too hard. Its why he was the way he was, so needy for approval, a whore for the praise. He felt too much for things that shouldn't matter and that ruined him, tore him to bits. It crushed him until he couldn't breathe anymore and it didn't stop, it never stopped.And still, no one knew.
Relationships: Achilles Fukuhara & Rue





	the sun, moon and the stars

**Author's Note:**

> PIN USED: https://pin.it/59HEjSS | https://pin.it/50PnM72

' _Breathe._ '

Achilles Kami Fukuhara was golden.

He shone, brighter than anything you've ever seen - a star you could see from miles away. He shone like the spotlight was always on him, like everyone was always watching him. He shone as if he was a beacon, of hope, of faith - as if everyone depended on him. He shone like he was the only one capable of shining, like he was worth gold and gold was all there's left in the world. He shone like he was a treasure being protected by a dragon, like he was worth being protected and being taken care of, worth fighting for.

He shone, like the sun did - no matter what time it was or how he felt, he shone and shone and he continues to shine because unlike the sun, he doesn't burn out (or rather, he can't burn out, he can't afford to; not that anyone knows).

At least, that's how people saw him. That's how Rue saw him.

Bright, beautiful, benevolent - Achilles was perfect (or rather, he was made to be perfect, again, not that anyone knew). She'd met him when they were only children, so helpless and hopeless, but not him. He was always so kind, so nice, _so sweet_. He only knew how to make others smile, how to make them fall in love. He only knew how to give - his support, his best, his all.

Achilles Kami Fukuhara was golden. But beneath all that gold, lied rust.

Rust that no one saw, that gathered and gathered, got hidden away and covered up but never fixed. Rust that was painted over, again and again and again, rust that kept chipping off and letting the pieces fall to the ground - small enough to never be seen, big enough to matter. Rust that no one ever got to saw. Well, until now, Rue realized as she watched Achilles Kami Fukuhara, golden boy of the decade, crumble over the sink, fall to his knees - he was crying, she had never seen him cry. He was crying and he was talking and he was breaking apart from the coil he was wrapped in.

And Rue was watching it all take place, frozen, because Achilles Kami Fukuhara was crying.

'I... have manipulated everyone who has ever loved me... to fall in love with me. And that either makes me.... a very good liar. Or it makes me a very unlovable human being.' Tear coated his lashes as he spoke; his voice was shaking and his vision was a mess.

All Rue wanted to do was wipe those tears away. She wanted to reach out and hold him, and tell him otherwise, tell him that he was the most lovable human being she ever knew, that they fell in love because he was worth loving.

But she couldn't move. Because she was frozen.

(He wanted to stop crying, for once in his life, he wanted to not cry and stand up, and face the problem properly. For once in his life, he wanted the tears to stop falling. He wanted to be tough. He wanted to grow up, stop being so weak and get over it.

He wanted to never feel anything ever again.

Because that was his weakness, wasn't it? To feel everything a little too much, a little too hard. Its why he was the way he was, so needy for approval, a _whore_ for the praise. He felt too much for things that shouldn't matter and that ruined him, tore him to bits. It crushed him until he couldn't breathe anymore and it didn't stop, it never stopped.

And still, no one knew.)

'I'm not sure which one I want it to be.'

The silence that followed was the loudest moment Rue had ever witnessed. She wanted to say something, she wanted to help Achilles, _oh god how she wanted help him._

But she was stuck, frozen, paralyzed where she stood, her hands itching to reach out but her heart... why was it scared?

'Am I asking for a lot?' He sounded angry; Rue noted. Very angry.

That was new. Achilles, for all the time Rue had known him - and its been very long - has never been angry. At least, never publicly, not to Rue's knowledge. She has never once seen the boy lose his cool, shout or even cuss. Always the embodiment of composure, well aside from the panic attacks and nervous breakdowns she's now learning about, she's never seen him ever get upset. Even during the times she had expected him to get fed up and yell, he had only spoken softly, taken her hand and waited patiently.

But he was angry now. This was new. This was different.

Rue realized why she was scared.

'Am I asking for a lot?' He repeated and Rue still didn't answer. She didn't know. She really wished she did. 'I don't even ask for happiness, Rue...' She didn't want him to continue. 'Just a little less pain.'

'Do I not deserve that?' You deserve more, it was right there on the tip her tongue, you deserve more. You deserve everything and so much more because you're hurt, you've been hurt but you keep it yourself, so that it doesn't hurt enough, Achilles you deserve _so much_. And she wished she could give it to him, she really did because here he was, weeping because he thinks he's a bad person, because he thinks he can't be loved, and why? Why does he feel that way?

Moreover, who has made him feel this way?

And, so much, more importantly, why does he hide it? Why doesn't he yell, scream, shout about the pain, the suffering, the rotting he goes through? Why doesn't he ask for help, reach out, beg? Why does he suffer, silently, corroding till there's nothing?

How did she never notice?

Because, Rue slowly realized, gold doesn't rust, and neither does it corrode. Iron does. And under all the gold, is iron. She never noticed because he never wanted her to, he never wanted anyone to.

Achilles Kami Fukuhara wasn't golden, he was silver.

He was made from the toughest iron, strong and unbreakable to everyone's eyes, playing the supporting role when instead he should be the one clapped for. He was iron because despite it all - despite everything he goes through, is forced to do, he was still soft, he still melted. He moulded to be whoever you wanted him to be, your friend, your brother, your lover. He was there whenever you needed him, however you needed him and not once did he complain or say no.

He becomes your moon and stars, shifting your mood, your tides and emotions and brightens up the darkness, just enough for you to see that you're not alone, not with him there. And you fall in love with that because he makes you feel special, like he listens, like everything he does, he does for you. Because he does. Because he doesn't know happiness, without your smile.

No, Rue revelled, he wasn't just silver. He wasn't just golden.

He was both.

Achilles Kami Fukuhara was golden _and_ silver.


End file.
